Mia, International Development and Globalization,
Centre for International Studies and Cooperation (CECI),
Burkina Faso Burkinabe Coalition for Women’s Rights (CBDF)
Although the virus responsible for this pandemic—and the particular situation many of us now find ourselves in—has spared me over the past year and a half, other "syndromes" have managed to creep into my daily life. Here, I’m talking about stress, anxiety, isolation, and, since the start of my remote volunteer placement with an organization in Burkina Faso: impostor syndrome.
With remote work—courtesy of the pandemic—our once dynamic and collaborative workspaces have merged into the monotony of our daily surroundings, where friendly chats between meetings have been replaced by conversations with ourselves. In this environment, self-doubt seems more prevalent than ever.
The sedentary lifestyle that the pandemic has imposed upon us comes with its advantages and disadvantages. I have to admit, I don’t miss early morning in-person classes when I can now attend them from the comfort of my own living room. However, I never expected that the physical comfort of working from home would mask an internal discomfort that was much harder to define.
"But who do I think I am? Me, a young Canadian student, nearly 1,000 km away from my placement site—who do I think I am? I don’t have all the answers. I’m not an expert. So what am I doing? What is my role? Where do I belong?"
As you can imagine, this type of self-talk is far less enjoyable than the harmless office gossip we used to have…
Before you stop reading out of fear that remote international development work is utterly demotivating, let me reassure you: the symptoms of this syndrome are not incurable.
Taking a step back to analyze my thoughts, I realized how egocentric my self-doubt had become. I was overwhelmed by the pressure to solve all my host organization’s challenges, to fully understand the local reality, to be an "expert" in the field for which my help was requested—yet none of this was actually expected of me. In my moments of self-inflicted guilt, where my mind seemed to take pleasure in reminding me that I was a "fraud," I had completely lost sight of the core purpose of my remote volunteer placement: collaboration.
The truth is, no one ever expected me to be an "expert" or to understand the local realities as if I had grown up there—that would be impossible! My impostor syndrome stemmed from a hyper-performance mindset that seems to dominate the professional world here. But that’s not the essence of development work. The idea of performing—along with the anxieties that come with it—becomes irrelevant when you remember that development work, capacity building, and local empowerment are based on the collective contributions of individuals coming together, rather than the all-encompassing expertise of a single person.
Once I shifted my perspective, the impostor in me had no trouble finding the exit. As long as international development work is done with a commitment to strengthening capacities through collaboration that prioritizes local perspectives, there is no reason to doubt one’s place in it.
And so, I continue my remote placement by finding new ways to build connections despite the constraints of our new reality, striking the right balance between underestimating and overestimating my role within the local organization, and always reminding myself of the core values of international cooperation.